If Your Heart's Not In It
by In Darkness Is Light
Summary: SHINee. 2Min. Sometimes breaking up isn't that hard. Sometimes goodbyes aren't for good. Sometimes, just sometimes, unexpected nights can lead to happier days.


**Authoress' Note**: _Hello everyone! I am somewhat back from my writing hiatus but in a different fandom! This time I come to you from the beautiful fandom of K-pop (really, it's wondrous), specifically from that of SHINee. (**Disclaimer here: I do not own SHINee.)**Here I've attempted a somewhat broken!2Min and really this site doesn't have a specific category for my stories so it's been put under Korean stuff. This contains both angst and enlightenment (I was feeling both emotions today) and I hope you do enjoy! This is best read while listening to Westlife's "If Your Heart's Not In It", as that's the song I had in mind while writing it. I'm looking forward to some reviews (hopefully!) and happy new year! May 2011 be the best year yet! :)_

* * *

"That's not how you do it!"

Taemin sighed as he realized Key was yelling at him for having messed up the snowflake he was cutting…again. The elder had decided that on their day off they should spend some quality time together and decorate the dorm with festive winter decorations; Key always believed that a beautiful home would be a more enjoyable one and while Taemin agreed, he just couldn't seem to focus on the task at hand.

Jonghyun and Onew were both at a variety show filming while Minho was off god-knows-where with his Super Junior hyungs. He had been commissioned to help with home decoration as well, but dismissed the idea come morning when he received a phone call from his sunbaes and quickly left the apartment to go meet them. And really, that had been what caused the entire problem.

Taemin sighed again. It seemed as of late, his boyfriend was never home, always off with some noona or hyung somewhere; arriving at the dorm in the wee hours of the night. Where once Taemin felt as though he was the only person his hyung looked at, he now felt like Minho never even gave him so much as a glance; where he had felt as though he was special, he now felt like just an ordinary nobody; where he had felt as though his hyung cared most about him, he was now beginning to feel as if he was just a toy, a plaything to the older boy. He put down the scissors he had previously been cutting with and ruffled his hair in frustration. What was he to do?

The best of ummas, Key noticed the odd change in his "son's" demeanour. "Taemin-ah, are you ok? What's wrong?"

The maknae's head shot up to meet Key's eyes and gave a forced smile. "Ah, nothing hyung. Sorry for making you worry," he apologized as he picked the scissors up again and began cutting absentmindedly. He didn't want to have to spill his thoughts to Key, at least not right this minute.

Unfortunately for him, Key was not the type to take no for an answer. Standing up, he walked over to where the maknae was working and sat down beside him, swinging an arm around his shoulder. "You know you can tell your umma anything, right?" He tilted his head to get a better look at Taemin's face, which ended up being futile as the younger put his head down, his hair covering his eyes.

"Yeah…" He trailed off, trying to think how to best ask the questions he had without revealing the situation he was in. "Umma, what do you do if someone's upsetting you?"

"You should tell them about it," Key said, "and then you should tell umma their name so I can go beat them up for it."

Taemin chuckled; Key was exactly like a mother sometimes. Even with his thin frame that was even sometimes blown over by the wind, he still insisted on protecting Taemin. "But what if what you have to say is something uncomfortable?"

Key pondered for a moment but didn't hesitate as he answered, "Then the best thing to do is to say it plainly. Honesty will help avoid any misunderstandings. Don't be afraid to step on people's toes if you're upset. If you have something to say to them, just say it."

"But what if you don't want to hurt them? And you're pretty sure that what you'll say is hurtful?"

"Aigoo my baby, when did your brain become so complicated? Well, in that case, won't it still be better to just tell them plainly? They'll only feel more hurt if you start acting upset around them without them knowing why."

"And I don't…I don't have the right words to say what I want to express. It's all jumbled up in my mind…"

Just then Jonghyun and Onew walked through the door. "We're home!" Onew chimed brightly, stepping into the living room. "What's going on here?" He asked, seeing Key's arm comfortingly around Taemin; he'd seen Key take that position before, whenever he was trying to protect the maknae from something.

"Ah, nothing hyung," Key smiled up at the two of them from his sitting position in the middle of the room. "We're just trying to figure out some stuff, me and my son. Maybe you two can help!"

Taemin looked absolutely mortified as the two eldest members of the group agreed happily and took seats opposite him on the floor. Was he going to have to confess his thoughts to everyone before actually telling them to the one person he really needed to hear them?

"So, what's the problem?"

"Onew-hyung, thank you but –" Taemin started but was quickly interrupted by Key.

"If you have something uncomfortable to say to someone and it might be hurtful so you don't know how to say it, what should you do?"

"Hmmm…maybe find a song that expresses your feelings for you and give it to that person to listen to?" Jonghyun suggested.

"Yeah…maybe, thanks hyungs," Taemin smiled up at them.

"All right, problem solved!" Onew grinned widely before turning serious once more, "Just remember: you should always tell people the truth about how you feel. A real man doesn't lie. And the sooner you say what's on your mind, the better you will feel."

"Yes hyung, thank you again for all the help. I think I'm going to go lie down and sort this out," Taemin walked to his room, collapsing on his bed, sinking with the weight of the world on his shoulders into the mattress. He had to figure out how to best confront Minho, and he had to do it soon.

* * *

After having spent the better part of four hours deciding on what to say, Taemin felt pretty confident that he would be able to express himself well once Minho got back home. He had a feeling that what he had to say might hurt both of them, but it was a move he decided he had to make.

All that certainty and confidence flew out the window the minute Minho walked into the living room at half past midnight. "What are you doing on the couch Tae? You should be asleep."

His heart raced at the intense stare the older boy was giving him, and he had to take a few deep breaths before reminding himself of his mission. Ignoring what Minho said, he responded, "Hyung, we need to talk."

Minho must have sensed the tension in Taemin's voice for he sobered up quickly and took a seat across from him on the coach, his eyes filled with concern. "What is it?"

Seeing Minho looking at him so pitifully, Taemin nearly lost his resolve to continue the conversation. Part of him didn't want to confront Minho, but the other part knew that it would only be more hurtful if they were to continue. Key's words replayed in his mind: _Say it plainly._ "Let's break up," he whispered, in an attempt to not wake up his sleeping hyungs.

Taemin didn't think he'd seen Minho more shocked in his life. "W-what did you say?"

Raising his gaze to look directly at the elder, Taemin repeated, "Let's break up."

"What are you saying? What's wrong?"

Taemin looked down, remaining silent. The hardest part was yet to come. Minho gripped his forearm tightly when he didn't respond, shaking him a little. "Huh? What is it?"

"If we continue this hyung," Taemin looked straight in the elder's eyes, "we're _both_ going to get hurt."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Taemin sighed. This had been a lot easier to do in his head. It felt like just saying what he felt plainly was difficult. But he figured Minho would be upset with him enough anyway, so perhaps saying it plainly was the only way to ensure that they both didn't hurt more than necessary.

"I'm upset hyung. It feels like I've been upset for a while, and you've still yet to notice."

"What's wrong?"

"You…us. Lately it feels like…it feels like you've stopped paying attention to me, like maybe there's no more love between us anymore. You're always out with a hyung or noona, leaving at the first chance you get. I've felt it for a while, but I didn't say it before because…because I didn't want to seem to selfish or attached."

"I'm sorry…" Minho looked down, completely ashamed. How could he have not even noticed how upset Taemin had been? Looking back, it really did all make sense…he just hadn't bothered opening his eyes wide enough to see it. To include his boyfriend in his life…and now he was going to lose him.

Taemin wasn't exactly sure what Minho was apologizing for – the not noticing or the falling out of love – but he figured it didn't really matter. He'd been upset for so long, he'd wanted to hear those words for so long, but now all he felt was this strange sense of relief. It made him realize that like it or not, what he was deciding to do was indeed the best move, for both him and Minho. And he realized he didn't feel so upset anymore. "It's ok…I'm not mad at you…" He smiled at the older boy.

Minho stared at him, mouth agape in disbelief. Was everything going to end like this, so quickly? …It felt strange. "I'll work harder to be a better boyfriend, I swear. I won't…I won't go out anymore. I'll stay with you. It'll be the same as before…" He sighed, tacking on quietly, "It will be the same…won't it?"

Though the words had been for his ears only, Taemin caught the end and shook his head, still smiling serenely at Minho. "No. Please don't do that…to be with your hyungs, to receive love from your noonas, it all makes you happy. I can tell. So don't feel bad if you love them more than you love me," He continued on despite Minho's protests of 'But I don't!', "I'm not upset Minho. I'm not heartbroken…to tell you the truth, this hurts a lot less than the hurt I had been feeling before…"

Minho still stared at his boyfriend, stunned. Even though he was the older one, Taemin seemed to be the wiser man tonight. Maybe it had always been like this but Minho had never bothered to notice. In any case, he felt like a small child, looking stupidly in Taemin's eyes, which seemed to hold all the wisdom in the world, all the secrets and knowledge about the future that Minho had no idea how to see. At that moment, Taemin spoke up shyly, snapping him out of his reverie.

"Hyung…I have a song for you. You look confused right now, and even though it's a really cute look," Taemin chuckled, "I think this will help you understand what I'm saying." He pulled out from behind him his iPod, handing one earphone to Minho while taking the other himself. It took Minho a while to understand; the beginning of the song hadn't been much help in clarifying his confusion, but once it came to the chorus, he understood perfectly. And he felt like an idiot.

Taemin quietly sang the words as well; he felt the need to say these words personally, to explain that it was ok. Even if Minho thought it wasn't.

_But if your heart's not in it for real__  
__Please don't try to fake what you don't feel__  
__If love's already gone__  
__It's not fair to lead me on__  
__Cause I would give the whole world for you__  
__Anything you ask of me I'd do__  
__But I won't ask you to stay__  
__I'd rather walk away__  
__If your heart's not in it_

"It's ok," he said taking Minho's hands in his, "these things, they happen. It's natural sometimes for people to stop loving each other. I know that nothing can last forever. Every body wants a piece of you, and it's ok to want to give that piece to them. You don't need to feel guilty about that, ok?"

Minho nodded back dumbly, still too stunned that this was even happening. Perhaps it was all a dream and he'd wake up in the morning. Taemin must have read his mind for he started laughing, "This isn't a dream Minho-hyung. Now where was I? Oh yes, you don't need to feel guilty. This isn't your fault. I'm just happy to have been with you even for a little while. We've made a lot of good memories, ne hyung? But I think it's time for both of us to let go."

Taemin got up from his spot on the couch, leaning over to give the still-stunned Minho a kiss on the cheek. "Good night hyung, I'll see you in the morning 'kay?"

He smiled that adorable eye smile of his and it took Minho all the strength he had not to bear hug the maknae until he couldn't breathe. After Taemin went to his room, Minho turned in his seat to face the TV, staring at his reflection.

Tonight had been…something unexpected. He hadn't necessarily wanted Taemin to confront him like this…to tell him bluntly that they should break up…but he noticed with surprise that the confrontation hadn't made him feel upset like he'd expected it would. In fact, the more he thought about it the more he had to agree that Taemin had made the right decision. He'd noticed all these things, realized what he had to do…way before Minho himself had known that that was the right decision to make. He was fine with it but there was just one thing he had to know.

He tip-toed over to the room Taemin shared with Key and Onew, opening the door just enough to get inside. He froze upon hearing Onew let out a groan at the incoming flood of light, but continued moving closer to Taemin's bed when he didn't move. "Tae, hey Tae, you awake?" he whispered, careful not to wake up the others in the room.

Taemin cracked one eye open, then two, before finally bringing himself to a sitting position. He patted the empty spot next to him as a sign for Minho to sit. "I am now. Hyung, what is it?" He asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Will…will…Aish, I don't know how to say this…"

"Hyung, just say it plainly," Taemin suggested, following Key's advice which had worked for him.

Minho nodded, though he doubted Taemin could see him in the dark. "Will…things change between us now? Will our friendship change?"

Taemin stared at his hyung quizzically, making Minho feel even stupider than before. "No, why would it? You're still the same person right? And I'm still the same too. Nothing's changed, hyung," he grinned brightly.

Minho let out a smile as well. "Ah, yeah, you're right Taemin-ah," he ruffled his hair lightly, standing up. "Well, goodnight maknae," he leaned over and planted a kiss on the younger male's forehead, "sleep well."

Taemin grinned once more before lying down, snuggling under the blankets. "Yeah, you too hyung. See you in the morning."

As Minho left the room, he felt lighter than before. Even though tonight had turned out unexpected, he was left with the feeling that it would be all right. Taemin had been absolutely right. Nothing had changed within him. He was still the same Minho, and that Minho would always hold in his heart a love for the team's maknae, no matter how small it may have seemed to become or how it didn't feel romantic anymore. It would always be there.


End file.
